…but it eventually becomes hell.
I should have joined the military. It would have been good for me. I needed someone to beat the “I can’t” out of me.
Growing up, I didn’t usually set my sights too high. It wasn’t until college that I conceived *the idea* of my dream career. (And I’m not talking about my love for writing.) But that dream career would have really taken me out of my comfort zone.
Looking back, it seems the moment *the idea* entered my consciousness, I quickly wrote it off because my head was full of “I can’t.”
Because I was a remarkable underachiever.
I never stood out and the times in the past when I tried to stand out, I only ended up embarrassing myself. I have lots of examples, but I’d rather not share *all* of my shame with the world.
But here’s the kicker…
About ten years later–I was done with college, had the accounting degree, was working in a small bookkeeping and tax firm doing (shocker!) bookkeeping and taxes and hating every minute of it–*the idea* came into my head again. I was miserable enough in that job that I thought, “I have nothing to lose; might as well try.”
So I did.
And a few months later, I was shocked to learn that it actually had been a possibility. At that point, the only thing that stood in my way from making further progress toward that job was my physical fitness–or lack thereof. (In case you are wondering why fitness would matter, it was a job in law enforcement.)
Because I was still a remarkable underachiever.
That was when I started doing CrossFit and HaganaH (yes, the second H is supposed to be capitalized) and I got into the best shape of my life. But also, by that point, I ended up changing jobs and was doing something I actually enjoyed using my accounting degree. So, I let *the idea* go.
But still…I can’t help but remember idiot-me in college that was full of so much “I can’t” that I didn’t even try. And further still, I often still struggle with “I can’t”.
The other day, I went for a run and took my four year-old daughter with me so she could ride her balance bike alongside me. She’s still trying to get used to it, but toward the end when we were almost home, she was so frustrated. “I’m not good at anything” and “I’ll never be able to do it” came out of her mouth. And I felt like I was looking into a mirror. Her clear, crystal blue eyes were full of so much sadness and all I wanted was to take all thoughts of “I can’t” out of her head, because my greatest fear is for her (or any of my children) to repeat the same mistakes I made growing up. I want them to believe they can do great things. I don’t want them to settle for mediocrity, simply because it’s easier. It might be easier at the time, but eventually it becomes hell.
All this to say….if you have a voice in your head saying “I can’t”, please find someone who will disagree with that voice until they are blue in the face. And listen to them. Surround yourself with people who are aiming high with dignity and integrity. Don’t be smarmy. There are plenty of people who aim high and succeed, but are smarmy about it. (I mean, look at the shit on Netflix (or Apple TV, etc). How damaged are we as a society that we can’t be entertained without sex scenes or excessive profanity? Where’s the storytelling?)
Mediocrity is easier, but it eventually becomes hell.
